Andras (son of Endre Kovacs) wrote “
“My father was released from Soviet POW after 18 months weighing 45 kilos, and then
In 1948, he was arrested by the AVO, and on March 31, 1949, he was executed by hanging, because, according to them, the time spent in the “Soviet paradise” was not enough for him to “expiate” his “war crimes”. May God reward him for his heroism.
The Zebike mentioned in the text is my nickname (András) given to me by my father.
I wish the blessing of the God of the Hungarians on the reader of these lines and I wish all of them a more beautiful, free Hungarian future.
brave András Kovács”
1945 EDESAPAM EMLÉKÉRE (In memory of) Dairy of Kovács Endre
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TROUBLE 1945
Saturday, March 10.
Bean soup for breakfast at 1/2 5 o’clock after the alarm clock. I got to Barber early. Corn grits for lunch. I ate the dose today. Gyurkica’s illness is improving. Tompos got worse. I got an egg by accident. Tompos got worse again. We got bitter tea at 3 p.m. I am getting better, yes I am hungry, the weather is getting better, there is no wind or snow. We were disinfected.
Sunday, March 11. 1945
They promised a Mass, but it was missed. A wake-up call “only” at 4 a.m., Sunday, a holiday, does not count for the prisoner. Corn grits for breakfast and lunch, hunger is the master. I would give P100 for a chick’s pasta. I think about home a lot.
Monday, March 12.
After a wake-up call, we were given corn for breakfast at 3/4 5 o’clock. My health is quite good. Tompos is also improving. We would like to buy something from the davaj, but it is not possible. Rumors are circulating that we are going home. Corn grits for lunch. My frozen hands feel cold. Gyurkica Bandi is getting better.
Tuesday, March 13.
After the wake-up call, the breakfast was varied, we got bean soup. He didn’t even see me eating breakfast this early. Many people start fattening from millet. We eat like pigs. I am very hungry all the time. I bought an egg today, I’ll eat it tomorrow if I don’t satisfy my hunger that night. I gave Antalfy a 7 dc bottle, he was happy, he already used it that night.
Wednesday, March 14.
The weather has eased. We got corn for breakfast. Yes, we are hungry. They are supposed to take me on the 18th, we don’t know where. At 12 o’clock at 12 o’clock at 12 o’clock, they gave a new meal. There is no dinner. Gyurkica is fine, Tompos is improving rapidly. I’m waiting for a good time to do a load of laundry. Today is a holiday. My coma is painting, it will be ready tomorrow.
Thursday, March 15.
Even on our national holiday, the alarm goes off at 4 o’clock, and corn is served for breakfast. Number reading. Lunch 3/4 at 12 noon, also corn meal. D. u. At 4 o’clock we were given tea without sugar. All my thoughts are to see you just one more time. The picture was not completed because the paint was not ready. Maybe tomorrow.
Friday, March 16.
Cornmeal for breakfast, same for lunch. The frostbite is getting better on my face and legs. There is really bad news that we are really going to Ukraine. I really want to see you just once. There are 18 dead. Two typhoid fevers, 2 pcs. Today they wrote a list again without an apartment. I was out 3 times that night.
Saturday, March 17.
Today we had boiled eggs for breakfast, I couldn’t eat them. We had bean soup for lunch. I think about you a lot, I don’t even know what will happen to you. I don’t have much left. I could only hug you and my little boy one day. We await fate. I hope I get home.
Sunday, March 18.
Alarm clock still at 4 a.m., breakfast bean soup, d.e. we were in disinfection. Lunch is also bean soup, d.u. Bitter tea at 4 o’clock. My health improves a lot from the sugar, 35 grains 100 pengő, I will try to buy again tomorrow if I succeed. Then there will be no money-.-? My health is almost perfect, I’m starting to get my school back, if not the old one, but something. Yes, I long for you. Indeed, our days are numbered. We are in God’s hands.
Monday, March 19.
We had bean soup for breakfast, and very cold but not dried potato goulash soup for lunch. After that we got even hungrier. I sewed up my only pair of pants today and they ripped again. I don’t sew anymore. Ask again. there is a typhus shutdown. We had lunch and are waiting for dawn to eat.
Tuesday, March 20.
Breakfast is invariably the same as lunch, bean soup without stir-fries. The deliveries have started, we don’t know where. We are here. The weather is improving, windy, cool. I am very worried about you.
Wednesday, March 21.
Nutrition: bean soup for breakfast and lunch. I’m starting the degradation all over again. Restaurant is very weak, there are always more sick and dead. Especially since Saturday from 4:10 a.m. to 4:25 p.m. They take everything from those who leave, I would really regret the pictures of Zebi and my wife. I cry a lot because I don’t see you anymore.
Thursday, March 22.
From today the wrist is from 4.45 to 5. The alarm clock is only 4 o’clock. It was a daily canteen bean soup. I am very weak, but I hope that there will be a change and I will get better. I couldn’t sleep all day and night, I cried and was with you. I think Zebike will wait for me to go home in vain. I hope to see you again. I sent a paper home.
Friday, March 23.
Bean soup for breakfast and lunch. You had to wear a shirt to the wrist. There will be more patients, we will drop like flies, without a name. It’s a nice sunny day. I think a lot of you. My back hurts a lot, I can’t sit.
Saturday, March 24.
I couldn’t eat today. The pea soup was stinky, I ate the juice from the pea soup in the afternoon. My waist hurts a lot and below my shoulder blade. Line up, we’re going from Baja. I can barely handle myself. There are 35 of us in a wagon. There is no water, the fever is high. Space 30 cm, you can only lie on your side.
Sunday, March 25.
We are locked in a wagon, we were given nothing to eat except bread, half of it, for 3 days.
A lot I pray that the good God will help you, I don’t know if I will ever get home. We are very thirsty, especially me from the fever, it is good that I can lie down. We only get air when the train is running.
Monday, March 26.
Via Szeged, leaving Szőreget, 9 km before Timisoara. we are standing, the wagon is of course locked. Today they gave me popcorn grits broken and boiled in water. We ate it. It was given to 35 with a ten-liter bucket. I received 2 ultraseptils today.
Tuesday, March 27.
They don’t give water. We got fresh from yesterday’s food with a water bottle and glass. We are standing in a hurry, headed for the unknown. We received 10 liters of water for 35. Dinner is the same. My health is improving. After D. they drove us over, the treasure is right there, they took my dynamo lamp. It was a runaway.
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EDESAPAM EMLEKERE.
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it will be like that while we are here. Beet soup was discontinued, many people got sick from it, but later it was made with bran, like for pigs. Hey, if only I could make a good potato and paprika v. eating beans, your kind, that would be good.
Thursday, July 26.
Waking up in normal weather, the dirt is the same, it’s cold and windy. I can’t wash like in the summer, I would freeze in the clothes. I’m supposed to have gained weight. Many people are fattening with me, I with the allowances, the others in the collective farm. We heard that we are going home in August. I’m starting to not believe it, because there was so much new news, even though I want to eat watermelon with you.
Friday, July 27.
I was in a bug fight that night, there are fewer stars in the sky than bugs. Gyula Andrássy is an angel. division partner died. I am now reading the biographies of József Katona and Kazinczy. We haven’t washed, there’s no water, we haven’t even drank for three days. Porridge lunch is at half past five. I was cold, but it’s 520 pcs. bread sliding, sweating, cured. Only you take care of yourselves. God be with you always.
Saturday, July 28.
There are new redeployments, policemen, gendarmes, old people. I got rid of the bug battle, although I should have gone to another bug place. Today we had sweet rice for lunch, the rest was the usual. The camp is moving, maybe we will go home soon. I think about you a lot, every moment is yours. There is a lot of diarrhea (dysentery) and dead. Our dirt is good, we will get tobacco today or tomorrow. I already suck. Midnight Mass by Pusztai.
Sunday, July 29.
There is no Holy Mass, there is work. We received 300 gm of tobacco. Lunch was special, it made us sick. Half the camp got diarrhea from it. Porridge, onion, egg and a lot of cabbage leaves (green) cooked together. It was very bitter and salty. I didn’t have such homesickness to be among you. My health is not good, so the work goes on, I don’t know how long. I want to see you.
Monday, July 30.
We go to the latrine 6-8 times throughout the night, which heals us, we catch colds during the trip. It’s a long way from W.C. I managed to get into a bug-free corpus. I didn’t eat breakfast. Yesterday I washed pants and a towel, I should also wear a shirt, but the weather is not right, until it dries, you have to be naked. My illness really cut off what I picked up and dropped off. I was almost put in jail for ringing (peeing).
Tuesday, July 31.
For a few days, I have been sick not only physically, but also mentally, gloom or whatever, I keep mentioning you. I have already prayed so much for you that he will give you health and livelihood, if fate wants me not to come home. Every day there is a command to “pray” in the line-up, at which time we say goodbye forever to our comrades, who will no longer go to beautiful Hungary and to their loved ones and families. The work continues.
Wednesday, August 1.
I’m sick, epidemic diarrhea. Carrots and cabbage leaves have now been discontinued. There is death. For lunch, he had sweet rice porridge, neither sweet nor sour, you could feel something sweet. For my hunger, I chopped an onion and salted it, and ate it. Diarrhea stops, last night I had 5 times, now once. I am getting better, the people with diarrhea were put in a separate hospital. The work goes on without feeling. Who is a bull, who is not. I hope God will have mercy on us, only He can help. You are allowed to go home once this month. The license was granted on the Turkish+line page.
EDESAPAM EMLEKERE.
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Sunday, November 11.
Waking up in the dark. There is no Sunday here, no mass. The snow has stopped blowing, it’s cold. There is no water, we can’t wash. Bugs and lice abound. The night is a suffering, either one or the other is gnawing at us. We are completely lethargic. We ask God to get us out of here. I’m hungry, eat 2x water. I trust in God. Dinner is oily fish.
Monday, November 12.
It’s cold. Davaj is good. Breakfast, lunch is regular water. Davaj is big. I’m cold, my hands are cracked. I’m hungry. I think a lot of you. I really want to see you, how you lived, do you have anything to eat. What about my Zebi, you and Marika? Does anyone care about you? My situation is desperate, you understand. Maybe God will help us so that I can be home for Christmas.
Tuesday, November 13.
A wake-up call, breakfast, and dinner are the norm. Lunch hig porridge. Dinner fish, sugar. A portion of bread was left out, there is no wood and there is a shortage of water. The weather is cold, there is a lot of mud, but the wind is cold, I have a cold and a cough. When the potatoes run out in the garbage, we get beef carrots in the porridge. I managed to wash up to my waist today. Everything would be fine and I would bear the misery, if only I knew what is going on with you.
Wednesday, November 14.
The usual in the morning. My toes hurt from freezing. Our situation is always worse. I didn’t sleep that night, approx. I killed 30 bugs in the dark, they bit me furiously, my neck is a clear blister. It’s a sad situation. It’s very cold, it’s freezing. Lunch at 5:00 a.m. very cold porridge, clean water, 3000 vöre 50 kg. I cry a lot because of you. My Zebike can be big, I don’t even know it.
Thursday, November 15.
It’s very cold, everything is knocking, I’m cold and hungry. The davaj is big despite the cold (carrot, sunflower). Lunch hig. Dinner small piece. oily fish and 2 spoons of sugar. In the evening there was a camp performance in the barracks. It should slowly wither away. We only trust in God, he will help us.
Friday, November 16.
It’s cold, it was yesterday. It costs the same, I’m cold and hungry. My tooth hurts, it’s 1-1 above and below. If I have to take it out, my meal will also stop. I pray for all three of you daily, that you have health and food.
Saturday, November 17.
I was cold all night, I couldn’t sleep. It’s very cold in our country, it’s rare to get this cold. There is no heating. The cost is 2x empty soup. Already d.u. yes, I’m going to freeze to death. If we stay here, we will perish. I’m very hungry. My tooth hurts, I’m in despair, what will happen to me if they don’t take me in time.
Sunday, November 18.
Even if it’s Sunday, it’s only weekdays here. The dough is big. There was no Holy Mass, but there was prayer and gospel. We prayed for you and for your return home. Kost is very weak, I’m starving. Clean water in the morning and noon, 7-8 minutes of oily fish for dinner. Our situation is very sad. It’s cold, very cold, 18-20 degrees. There is no heating in the barracks.
Monday, November 19.
It’s St. Elizabeth’s Day back home. I’m starving. We got water in the morning, 3 grains of potatoes for lunch, and 8 pieces of oily fish for dinner. It’s very cold, very cold. Davaj is big. St. Andrew’s Day is over. I believe myself dec. 13, 16 and 24.**** Maybe? we will be at home. Trusting and asking God to be with you.
(**** Dec. 13 is my mother’s birthday, Dec. 16 is my mother’s name day).
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EDESAPAM EMLEKERE.
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Sunday, December 16. 1948
I ask the good God to keep you Zebikem strong and healthy for many years. I think you celebrate Food Day better at home than I do. At least they eat something. Today we have 3 dk of bread. we got hot water in the morning and empty potato soup in the evening. It’s cold, we’re cold, it’s hard to fast in the cold, there are no calories. There are deaths in terminal weakness. Galley slaves live better than us.
Monday, December 17.
It’s getting colder, it’s 22 degrees (-5.5 Celsius), we’re very cold. You have to go to the forest to steal wood, 18-24 km per day. No flour, no bread. Empty cabbage soup at 6 in the morning, nothing until 9 in the evening. Fasting for 15 hours is very difficult, my skin is like a rubber slingshot. People go to the latrine 2-3 times a week, there is nothing to spend. In the evening we got a good porridge.
Tuesday, December 18.
Today is still the usual davaj and fasting. We don’t know what they want with us. They cannot bake bread, although there is flour. It is very cold, 29 degrees (-1.6 Celsius). Getting lice is also terrible, but you have to, because you have head lice and typhus. We are very cold. I think about You a lot, I pray only for You all the time. The St. Christmas far from you, I will only be with you in thought and spirit.
Wednesday, December 19.
Davaj is the usual, no breakfast, cabbage soup for lunch in the evening – if there is any – because there is nothing to cook yet. We will fast through St. Christmas, at least you will eat well, this is also a consolation and joy for me. It’s very cold, 34 degrees, we can’t sleep in the unheated barracks. They provided a stove, but no pipe. I pray a lot, I have great faith and hope that I will get through everything and see you again.
Thursday, December 20.
Work is normal. It’s a cold 38 degrees, I’m cold. Starvation takes longer. We don’t get bread, we don’t have any, and that’s it. The number of freezes, collapses, and terminal weakness is increasing. Day and night I pray for you and cry a lot for you. I really want to see you. If we knew the time of liberation, it wouldn’t be a problem, but everything is uncertain, we live completely apathetically and lethargically.
Friday, December 21.
We don’t expect much from life here, 2,660 km away from home. The weather is milder today. I can’t give my sweet little son a present, neither for you, my dear Etuka, nor for you, my Marika. Spiritually, with the holidays, there will only be praying and fasting. I hope I can get through the winter and captivity and then I will see you again. Every thought and moment is with You. I might get sick of this, but I’ll be careful.
Saturday, December 22.
There is still a lot of work, the weather has eased, and in the evening the rain has stopped. The food has improved somewhat, because the lunch porridge has beef intestines. A bit smelly but good, 7 deci. I am very sad that you need the university far away from you. I would spend Christmas. In my free time, I can only pray, there is continuation (crying).
Sunday, December 23.
Work fine. Empty hot water at 6 a.m., d.u. Buris soup. It was a great mass, I was able to confess and offer sacrifice. Since then, I look forward to tomorrow more calmly. In the evening, there was a touching performance in the bar. I am constantly thinking about my sweet little family and my freedom. For us, st. he will be very sad in the evening, and also hungry.
EDESAPAM EMLEKERE.
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Monday, December 24. We continue to starve and the robot goes, here St. there is no christmas I washed my little clothes in the st. for the evening, I saved a loaf of bread and the spoonful of sugar and the margarine I had kept since the summer, it smells. I try to be among you. We meet in spirit and prayer. I’m just hungry. We are going to rest.
Tuesday, December 25 and Wednesday, December 26.
Mr. Gyula Andrássy. v. Koltay Vilmos szds. Griny Aladár fhdgy. Mr. József Letkay. Mr. Gyula Marton. Grand Sándor Nagy. István Bognár zis. Frigyes Füzessy zis. Alajos Kalmár zis. Teacher László Bagoly. Viktor Schödl szds. Mr. Zoltán Hevessy. Mr. Dezső Turcsányi.
Thursday, December 27. and Friday the 28th.
The St. Christmas passed, we cried ourselves out on the evening of the 24th. In the morning, we received a little empty soup and for dinner at around 11 o’clock, also hot water. On the first holiday, there is potato soup at 6 in the morning, and the same without potatoes at 10 in the evening. I know, you’re poor, too. you celebrated Christmas, but there was still something. At least St. you listened to mass. It was also the 2nd day d.u. st. mass, that comforted us. Where is the nice warm room, nut and poppy bagels, gifts? Instead, it’s 26 (-3.3 Celsius ) -38 (+3.3 Celsius) degrees cold in the barracks, the water freezes, we’re cold and hungry. There are more lice and bugs, we wear underwear for 7-8 weeks, bathing and disinfection at the same time. God willing I could work on the small plot, at least there would be some food. The skin is sagging on us, I just wish I knew why.
Saturday 29 December, Sunday 30 and Monday 31.
You have some food. There was a disturbance, and they also took the rags that we used as handkerchiefs. The morning bread, which was put away for the evening, so that the tooth would have something to eat in the evening, was also taken away. So the sugar collected for Zebikem had to be started and consumed, so that they wouldn’t take away what I had taken from myself. Believing in God, I am always with you in thought and prayer, and I continue to hunger with patience and I am strong in spirit and I trust that I will see you again. The New Year’s Eve dinner was quite special, with good bran water. It’s better to be a pig here than a prisoner here.
Here the diary is permanently interrupted, there is no further record of the next 8 months.
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